Today is Tuesday, October 9, 2012 and I'm doing fine so far today. I have a lot to catch you up on. I had to get back on my medication after attempting to stop taking it over a 3 week period. That didn't go over well with my body. I got back on and have since then started to lower the dosage on my own. I'm down to about 8-10mg a day from 60mg.
Every time I lower it I have a pretty bad headache for about a week but then I adjust and lower again after about 3 weeks. I hope to be completely free from taking the medication by December. You see, before I started taking the medicine I was a somewhat active person. After starting it I became just about what felt like disabled. I felt a heaviness inside and very unhealthy. Yes, it helped a lot with the pain but I couldn't do anything and be active with my family. As I have slowly gotten off the medication I have had a major increase in my pain but at the same time I feel so much more well and alive. It excites me to even think about gaining my lively self back!
So, to the title of this post. I have had a major shift in my thinking over the last month on this disease. Not just the disease but other areas of my life as well. Strangely enough this shift occurred over lessons on financial peace my husband and I are taking at our church. I highly recommend finding a class and taking it. The name is Financial Peace University by Dave Ramsey. Our Pastor, John Dix, decided that since we were going to take this study as a church family that he would also align the sermons over a nine week course to prepare us for that weeks small group lesson on financial peace.
One of the first things he spoke about came from a parable in the bible. The story teaches that what God "gives" to us isn't really given to us to keep. We are entrusted with things anywhere from money to our children, from talents and skills to pain, yes, pain. Now, did my Pastor actually say that God entrust pain to people, no. This is what was revealed to me within my heart.
It was clear that God entrust money to us to use in ways that glorify Him. When you spend money that belongs to someone else you use it more wisely. You think about how you are spending it and you account for every dollar. You want to make right by that person, not just blow their money and have nothing to show for it. If you entrusted your money to other people you would be very particular about who you would want to entrust it to based on how they used it, would you not?
So I got this concept down, but what about all other areas of my life? It hit me, I wasn't being afflicted with Fibromyalgia rather I was being entrusted. Okay, I know that might sound strange but it has caused me to approach this disease with eyes that see. Affliction causes inward vision which is blinding to the afflicted where as entrustment forces one to look outward at a larger picture and it opens the eyes of the entrustee.
Here is what I see; people who need hope. As we go around doing life, living in our "me" world, pretending that our self absorbed lives are satisfying, we slowly become afflicted by everything we think is going wrong around us. We sink deeper into our afflictions and our "why me's" and become blinded within keeping us from seeing how we afflict others. Love, selflessness, truth, grace, and mercy find no home in the blinded heart of the afflicted.
I do not exclude myself from that group of people, I'm human and I'm willing to admit that at times, I allow myself to be blinded. But, I have a new mind, a new thought, a new understanding about these "afflictions" in my life. For whatever reason beyond my understanding, God in His great wisdom decided that I was the perfect person to entrust with Fibromyalgia. I get to choose whether I'm going to feel afflicted and become blinded or entrusted and have my eyes opened. So, what can I do with this disease. For starters, I can write this post. Perhaps I can bring hope to someone out there who could use a little bit of more hope today. Maybe, this is exactly what you needed to hear at this moment.
Could I possibly impact someone positively by my attitude about fibro? Could I show up in my pain and bring healing to someone's heart? Could I jump out of myself for moments in time and be what someone else needs in that moment? The possibilities are endless when we choose entrustment over affliction. What God can do with the heart that sees. I want to see outside of myself and make room for love, selflessness, truth, grace, and mercy.
I'm not saying that at times I wish I didn't need to deal with so much physical pain. I get really tired of constantly feeling all my joints and every muscle aching. To just be able to sleep and not hurt in every position I lay in would be nice. But this is not my current reality. I cry out to God for healing or even just a little relief. Sometimes, I just cry. But, and here's the key, His grace is sufficient for me. In healing or in pain His grace is sufficient. In the meantime, while I have eyes to see, I might as well see and while my blurred vision breaks free from myself I begin to see more and more of God's beauty.
We are all downing within ourselves and grasping at goggles to see more clearly under the waves of our afflictions. May I suggest.....lift up your head, grab onto the life raft of entrustment, breathe, and open your eyes.....you aren't a fish, you will drown down there. You are loved by Creator God, made in His image and He intends for you to see. He wants you to see those waves that crush you for what they are...Satan's attempt to blind you from truth and keep you crushed under the weight of his lies. God Almighty longs for you to rise up, breathe in His saving grace and open your eyes.....it's beautiful up here above the waves, come join me.
I would love to hear your story. What afflictions are blinding you? How can your mind be changed from affliction to entrustment? Be real with me as I am with you. I challenge you today to begin the process of a total mind shift. Talk to God and be real with Him, ask Him to change your mind. Talk to me, maybe we can help each other. If you prefer to not have your comments on the post, then send me a private message through my facebook page Natalie Snyder Specht.
In any case, we aren't meant to do life alone. Meet with me where you are but most importantly, meet with God, come just as you are.