Today is Wednesday February 13, 2013 and I've been doing pretty well. I've had some hard days physically in the past month, which can lead to hard days emotionally, and I've had some good cries of frustration over the pain that just seems to rob me of what I think I should be capable of doing.
I really don't like having to ask my husband to clean the kids shower because I just cleaned ours and am laying on the bed crying while he rubs the pain from my back. He is so gracious and always willing to not only help me but to serve me in whatever capacity I need him to but, still, I would just like to not have to ask all the time for assistance in things I should be able to do on my own. This is hard, being so needy seems so unattractive to me. I thank God for giving me a husband whose love language is service. I sure do provide him plenty of opportunities to express that love to me.....makes you think that maybe God knows just what He's doing after all.
Recently, I was with a group of people and one of them asked me if I ever pray that God would just heal me of the Fibromyalgia. While yes, there was a time I used to pray for this, I had to answer, "no." I could see on the faces of those around me that they were a little taken back by my response. "Where is her faith?" I'm sure they must have thought. After a concerned, "Why?" I explained myself.
I have prayed that I would pray for God's will in this area of my life. I don't want to ask for anything that doesn't bring Him the most glory. I want most of all to glorify Him and while being healed would certainly do so, this was not the response I felt from Him. For some reason, beyond my understanding, having fibro at this time is what will bring Him the most glory from my life. God answered my prayer, I didn't hear some audible voice from the heavens or anything, just a pretty strong feeling. A sense of despair and disappointment did not accompany this feeling, but hope and peace.
God never promised physical healing here on earth. He never promised an easy road with even payment to drive along, but He did promise proper tires and shocks to travel the road we are on. The bumps, dips, hills, declines, and pot holes are still felt but the tires and shocks He provides smooth it all out a little. Makes the trip less obnoxious and uninviting. Peace, spiritual rest and encouragement, help, and comfort are just some of the ways God has made this road tolerable. These are His promises to me and I am secure in them. These are what I pray for and receive. Hope is the beginning and end to these promises. Hope that as each pot hole passes I will endure the next with more grace. I do not ask God to remove the pot holes from my life, just that I wouldn't pop a tire going over one.
Pot holes, or whatever you want to call them, are just apart of the road, life. But, there is something supernatural about how God can direct your attention to the destination rather than the road used to get there. He's pretty darn neat if I say so and credit must goes where credit is deserved.
He is growing me, changing me, and molding me into the woman He intends for me to be and right now that means I need to have fibromyalgia. If I ever feel Him telling me to pray for physical healing then I will but, for now I rest, I hope, I hold on to His promises.