Tonight is Tuesday April 17 2012. Busy today re-organizing the girl's bedroom and getting rid of stuff they just don't play with; just trying to make their bedroom stay cleaner so I can stay saner ;-) Took Emily to her musical rehearsal again today and got to see some work my husband was doing at the church. Always impressed with what he can do.
Jessica had soccer practice today but my step mom took her because I had to take Emily. Sad to have missed her practice but I feel very fortunate that I have family to help me out. Came home to wonderful dinner that my step mom made, chili...so good! Could tell that I really over did it with my kids room today, my back hurts and my legs just feel so achy, oh well. Pretty sure I'll feel fine tomorrow but I really need to pay more attention to my body. I knew I was overdoing it, especially since I didn't even eat today until 3:15pm.....a granola bar, maybe that's why the chili was so darn good lol.
After dinner I hung out with my girls in my bedroom and watched a movie with them while they ate popcorn on my bed. Movie is still going, they just finished the popcorn, my husband got home from bible study about 10 minutes ago, and I'm ready to just hang out with him and relax.
Last night Ryan (my husband) and I watched a christian movie about life after the rapture; kind of like Left Behind but different. Any way, in the movie there is a clan of Christians who are living in the desert trying to keep safe from the "army". They depend on God for all their resources and safety. At one point two of the men are killed for no reason by the "army" and the group is grief stricken. While the pastor of the group is trying to keep things in order with one of the members and remind him that all things are in God's control, he himself flips out and begins yelling at God. Here is where he becomes beautifully human. As he is yelling at God about wanting justice and how God should just kill all the militia and "army" members and telling Him he wants them all dead, he falls to his knees and becomes beautifully human.
He remains quiet for a moment then surrenders his will to God saying "not my will but your will be done." He apologizes to God for his sinful thinking and then tells his friend "I think I might have to do this again tomorrow." I was wowed by this scene. I could almost imagine God listening to His child yell at Him about what his child thinks is best and rather than striking him down, as God has every right to do, He remembers that his child is dust and has mercy on him. God bestows grace on His child and because of this response His child falls to his knees, surrenders his will, and apologizes. After apologizing he realizes that he just might have to do this all over again tomorrow. So real and so true.
Have you ever had one of these moments? I know I have. I remember a few years ago when I was so angry about something and completely fed up. I went inside my closet and just yelled at Him. I was angry that He could but wasn't changing the situation I was in. In the same moment of my complete honesty with my Father in Heaven I felt that very grace. He remembered that I was dust and he loved me even beyond my nerve to question Him. I too feel to my knees and surrendered. I told Him I knew that I was wrong in being angry at Him but that I couldn't help the reality that I was still angry.
I think that may have been the first time I was ever so naked, bare, and honest before God. In that moment, I was beautifully human; emotionally out of control (human) yet created in His image and broken by His love, grace, and mercy (beautiful). I was real and true to what was happening in me. I must remember that at any time I might succumb to these human moments, I am not beyond my humanity but I have a God Who loves me beyond it.
So, have you? Have you been beautifully human? I'm not suggesting we all go around yelling at God, I'm just saying that if you do ever find yourself needing to be naked and honest before Him (which I'm convinced He appreciates our honesty), just know that He remembers you are dust and accept that grace and mercy so that you can surrender to Him. When our ugliest side of humanity takes over, choose to be beautifully human.
Would love to hear about your beautifully human moments. Please share them with me.
Nat,
ReplyDeleteI read the following yesterday from my daily devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is a must to get this if you don't have it already. It has changed my life as it encourages me to view every circumstance and situation with a different, or rather, Godly perspective.
April 17th
I am training you in steadiness. Too many things interrupt your awareness of Me. I know that you live in a world of sight and sound, but you must not be a slave to those stimuli. Awareness of Me can continue in all cicumstances, no matter what happens. This is the steadiness I desire for you.
Don't let unexpected events throw you off course. Rather, respond calmly and confidently, remembering that I am with you. As soon as something grabs your attention, talk with Me about it. Thus I share your joys and your problems; I help you cope with whatever is before you. This is how I live in you and work through you. This is the way of Peace.
Give thanks in all circumstances. Don't let this disease steal your JOY and don't forget that you can always be "heard" by Him.
Love you Cousin.
So true Sarah! Thank you for sharing that, what a great perspective to have. I know that sometimes my happiness is stolen in the bad moments but my joy still remains. You're right, He does "hear" me. How sweet a reminder that is. He above all understands all I go through. I will never suffer as He did emotionally or physically. He gets me, He suffers with me, He hears me, then He calls me to get Him, bare my cross, listen to His word, and be still and know that He is God. Thanks Cousin, Love you!
DeleteNatalie, I hope God leads others to read your blogs. I have really enjoyed them. I usually don't get angry with God. I'm mostly glad that God doesn't get as angry at me as He should. His grace and mercy are beyond anything I am capable of understanding. I Love you. I hear you. I wont stop listening.
ReplyDeleteDad.
I hope He does as well. His grace and mercy are above my understanding too. I think if I all the sudden could comprehend God I would explode lol. My humanity could not possibly contain that knowledge.
DeleteI've enjoyed reading your blog. I think it takes courage to put all your thoughts and emotions out there for others to see.
ReplyDeleteI've been angry with God before. When he took my 21 year old lifelong friend to a brain tumor..... when I spent my whole life (since 4th grade) studying and working towards becoming a doctor, only to see all those years of dreams crumble in my senior year of college.... when I thought our property business was in God's plan, only to be financially devastated.
But I rejoice that what God has planned is not my plan. Because, let's be honest, I suck at planning things. So over and over I learn "Let go and let God". And there is peace.
Michelle
I'm really glad you've enjoyed my blog, it's nice to hear that. You are so right! There is peace when we let go and let God, I just have to be reminded about that truth everyday. My life certainly hasn't gone as planned either......man am I thankful for that! Thank you for sharing with me the things you have struggled with. I try to remain vulnerable and I love it when people feel they can be vulnerable in return.
ReplyDelete