Three simple, yet powerful words.....Tonight is Sunday April 15 2012. Woke up this morning not feeling well enough to go to church. Stayed home with my 5 year old and watched Veggie Tales on Netflix with her in my bed; it was nice to spend that time with her. My husband took our 9 year old to church with him and my dad and step-mom went to their church so the house was nice and quite.
Before my dad left the house he informed me that he had read my blog. He then went on to say the three most simple yet powerful words to me that I have heard in a long time. No, it wasn't "I love you", although those words are nice to hear sometimes, it was something I needed to hear. You see, I know my dad loves me; I know my whole family loves me as I do them. "I hear you" he said.
It wasn't just the words because you can claim to hear all sorts of things, it was his meaning behind the words. I can't explain the impact that had on me, those three words, but I will always remember he said them. I was being validated, if only by him, I was still being told that I am valid and so is what I experience. Sometimes we are so quick to give advice or tell people what they should do in their circumstances; I am just as guilty of this as anyone, but we fail to realize that if we don't truly comprehend the situation we can hurt each other with our empty suggestions. "I hear you." To be heard and not told.
Maybe we can all somehow learn to sit back and listen and then actually "hear" what someone is saying. To connect with someone because we "hear" them and they know they are being "heard". Somehow those words brought healing to me today, no not physical healing, although I started feeling way better around 1:30pm when I finally got out of bed and ate. A different kind of healing. Not really sure exactly what healed but I felt it either way.
So, considering the late "wake up and get my booty going" morning, today was a much better day. My mom came over for a little bit and we had a good conversation. Ask her if she saw my blog but she hadn't. I went ahead and read it to her after she lectured me a little about my kids not getting enough attention from me when I "flare" and telling me I need to do something about trying to not "flare" anymore. She said that my blog was sad.
I don't intend for this blog to be sad, this isn't about a pity party or wanting anyone's sympathy, although yes, it's great to be "heard". I want to move past being controlled by my disease and continue to blog about my life with it, not my life because of it. Yes, I'm having to learn to make changes and choose to depend on a deeper level on God. I have this thing called a "control issue". Can anyone relate? Well, it seems I've lost all control, not that I ever actually had any to begin with. I guess that's part of the human condition; we think we are in control when in fact that couldn't be farther from the truth.
Here is what I can control though. I can control my attitude, my response to situations, and the level of dependency I have on God. I'm fully aware that my very life truly depends on Him but what I mean is that I can control how much I except to understand that concept. No matter how much I accept it though, it doesn't change the fact that I am completely and utterly dependent upon Him.
After talking with my mom I spent some time, about an hour, making some Jessie Scarfs. It was great to be on my feet, do something I enjoy, have a sense of accomplishment, and stop way sooner than I usually would have. I made 3 scarfs instead of 6-9 of them. I listened to my body. I guess you can say that for the first time I "heard" my body. A sense of euphoria came over me; I accomplished something while still remaining in my physical boundaries.
So, that was pretty much my day. While rather uneventful I can't help but feel that huge progress was made in my life; I was "heard" and I "listened". Perhaps this is the beginning of progress in me. I know there will still be ups and downs although goal is to have more ups than downs, but in any case, this is My Life with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrom.
On a side note: I can't force you to think negatively or positively about my husband but I wanted to express that I hope you don't think badly of him because of what I blogged last night. I'm just being real and that was a real situation. He is good to me and takes care of me; he loves me, he just has yet to "hear" me. I believe that he doesn't research about my disease because then he has to except it. He doesn't want this for me but the truth is that no matter how much he doesn't want it for me, I have it. There is a plan for me, I know this because my God tells me so. My husband is a part of that plan; who knows, maybe you are too. I understand this journey isn't about me but about God's glory, I've just decided to write about it.